Just Thinking…….a poem by Tamika Newhouse

Feb 23, 2012

Just Thinking…….a snippet by Tamika Newhouse

I can never say I never loved you,

Maybe I should; that way I wouldn’t have to cry.

If at some point it wasn’t real,

You wouldn’t tell me that now would you?

I close my eyes sometimes and you seem to be always there,

I can’t lie that I miss that.

But that’s the past right?

All that was said and done never happened.

All that was promised and sealed with a kiss was just a dream

I aint gonna have a pitty party over you.

Over you? No not I.

I will never allow myself to feel.

Damn but I am feeling it right now.

I try to toughing up and act as if it was just a fuck

Just a fuck does that even exist?

Can a girl just lay it down and walk away without so much as a thought?

I thought I did.

I thought I did that with you.

Thought I could hide behind the fake smiles and the fake declarations of “I don’t care”

But that shit was fake.

Fake!

Damn was I fake?

Was I pretending?

I hope I wasn’t because I swore up and down that you wouldn’t be anything.

You weren’t anything.

Yeah that’s what I’ll say, you were’t nothing but just something to do.

Yeah I like that; I’m going to stick to that.

Something to do!

That’s what you were.

So I didn’t love you? Right?

Well answer me…….