I am a woman first

I recently was asked to write a article for L&A Magazine which is a print Mag based in the East. Below find the unedited version and I hope to get some feedback.

I am a woman first

 

                It’s about eight am in the morning. I have a banana in my hand and a glass of milk in the other trying to make sure I get my nutrients before I tap into hours of work. My computer is powered now as I glance at my notes of things to accomplish today. I wasn’t in the house long after first rising at six am to prepare my two children for school. I made sure that they were dressed appropriately and lunches were in tow. But now the house is quiet as a mouse, except for the laundry that is tossing around in the dryer. I can also hear the faint sound of the dish washer rinsing off a load of dishes I just washed.

                With the kids off to school and a few house duties accomplished I open up Microsoft word and stare at the blank pages. I told myself I was going to tap into a writing zone no matter what. But because I am a CEO at Delphine Publications, it isn’t always easy to just sit down and write. Being the boss means I have to take whole sale orders for books, review some editing from my Senior Editor, not to mention the numerous phone calls I take every day. This is just a small tidbit of what I do daily; but for now I have a moment to write.

                Writing has come naturally to me since I was eight years old. Always imagining stories in my head and I eventually branched off into writing poetry and short stories. I completed my first novel at the age of twelve and a passion to be a novelist grew inside of me. I was a “pack rat” a nickname from my late mother, Delphine Jamison. I couldn’t seem to let anything go. I collected all kinds of trash, articles, magazines, and etc. Pretending that every piece of paper I had was of some importance.

                Now ironically I still have that horrible habit today. My garage of my two level home is filled with boxes of stories, poetry, and stuff I can’t let go of because it reminds me of the past. And how can I forget my past. I guess it isn’t possible with the many obstacles I had to face. One being that I became pregnant at fifteen, having my daughter at sixteen. I missed half of my junior year because I was hospitalized, not a good look in my book.

                Being judged was one thing but what meant the most to me was to continue on as if nothing changed. I felt like having a daughter wasn’t going to change anything and in the end it didn’t. I went on into my senior year holding down a part time job and I paid for all of my senior activities because my mother couldn’t.  I spent most of my days at school, home, or work taking care of things that needed to be done because I was a mother and my own mother was too sick to do much of anything.

                Not much of my writing happened in these last years of my adolescents. Let’s just say I had to become a provider sooner then I wanted to. And unlike many teen parents I went straight into college the fall after graduation. I guess you can say I am just goal driven, always looking for an outlet to further my success.

                I honestly was successful too; but found myself back in my home town with my three year old to take care of my mother. She would go on to die ten days after her 52nd birthday leaving me a motherless child at 20 years old. Now there I was already having an absent father and now motherless. If that wasn’t a low moment I couldn’t describe one to you.

                But I went back to my roots. Finding one of the biggest journals I could get my hands on and I just started to write. It had been a long time since I wrote for entertainment and as if I was writing yesterday the words simply flowed out. And now here I sit, four years later, a mother of two, a novelist, a publisher, but first and foremost a woman.

                Long ago when I started my writing career I could have listened to the negativity from my peers saying, “You got kids you should be at home taking care of them.” Or this one was my favorite to hear, “Ain’t you married? Aren’t you supposed to be home taking care of your husband?” I laughed the hardest at the last one.

                Don’t get me wrong though mother hood and marriage can be fun but it can also be a distraction. I see many women who sidetrack their dreams and their desires for a spouse or for their children. I for one, encourage women to not do that. In all honesty if you have a goal in life and you never fulfill it; you will have a what if moment, or regret. If I can do it all and live my dream too, I feel others can as well.

                I never commend a woman giving up her dream for a man, because let’s be honest most relationships end. And secondly I don’t encourage a woman giving up her dream for her children because let’s be honest children grow up. They aren’t young forever and when they start to grow older and develop their own identity what will you be left with?

                If you can find a balance your life and your dreams then do it. If you can accomplish a little towards your goal yearly then do it. But never stop your dream for others. You may say, I can’t believe you’re saying don’t sacrifice your dream for your children. I am saying if this is what makes you happy do it. I am sadden by the growing numbers in women who have no identity, whose life is dependent on a man, or who’s children are now grown and their left with emptiness and nothing to do.

                Know that we are women first and everything else second. If we don’t take care of ourselves and make sure that we are happy; who will. In my world you can have it all and now as I look at my blank screen on Microsoft word sipping on my glass of milk I smile to myself, because I am doing it. I am living my dream and making sure home is taken care of.

                You only live once right? So live it!

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Comments

  1. *Love* this note!

  2. Robin Edwards says:

    You are right about everything you have said and I want to say that I’m proud of you. You have inspired me to go back to school myself. I fell like if you can do it I can to. Thank you and keep up the good work.

  3. Lawana Johnson says:

    I want to say thank you because I needed to hear (or see) those those very thoughts expressed verbally. I lost my first child when she was 2 months to what was then called ‘crib death’. I made the conscious decision that all my other children would be on my mind first and foremost. If I had to be somewhere and I couldn’t take a child then I didn’t go. Well, now my children are grown and each one has different directions that they are going in and neither one of them is thinking about what their mom is going to be doing. They are not thinking about whether or not I had dreams or goals to attend to, but now I must get back to my own dreams and goals. I have to remember that NOW it’s about me. Not the mom me, but the me that’s a woman. Thank you Ms Newhouse for this article, I needed, as I expressed earlier, to hear or see these words and now I take them to heart.

  4. That is so true, if we dont take care of ourselves who will. After five kids and putting their needs first. Its my time. I hope.

    Please read.
    http://myadvicetoateenagemother.blogspot.com/

  5. Tamika – This is a GREAT article! I really agree with you. I’m single with no kids and have dreams of being a wrtier too. Procrastination is my ENEMY! But I know I better get started now because if my time is limited now & it’s just me, how much ‘me’ time will really hve when I GET MARRIED & HAVE KIDS to write or do other things? You are proof that we can have it all…….we just need to learn how to balance the wheels so ourdrive wll be smooth,,,,

  6. I enjoyed your article and your motivation. After a few years of being the perfect wife and mother, I became lost inside myself and felt as if I were trying to be someone other than Larie. My husband has recently been encouraging me to do what I want to do. I have begun school for culinary arts and I do feel much better mentally now that I am being Larie.

  7. Balinda Cross says:

    What a wonderful article. I can relate to your about the motherless child because my own mother died at the age of 38 and I was 15. You certainly have to keep on keeping on no matter what life throws in your way. I did not have any kids at the time but I basicly live form pillow to post but I still stayed in school and finished. I did not go to college right out of high school but it was one of my dreams and I am attending online college now at the age of 52. It is never to late. My other dream is to one day write a book because reading is my #1 hobby and I know there is a book in me somewhere. I just don not know where to start. But I know I will accomplish it when the time is right. Thanks for sharing your story. It is what us woman need to give us courgae to persue our dreams.

  8. Belinda Clark says:

    You have a way with words,they just flow. The article was very encouraging. It has encouraged me to strive harder with my goals,so that I won’t have any regrets in the future. I hope the Lord continue to bless you.

  9. Loved it… A definite must read for all women. God bless. Continue to do what you do, lady, b/c you do it so well :))

  10. This is a great article. I really like it. I made the choice to delay some things in my life for my daughters, frankly because I was having so much fun being a single mother. But since my younger daughter is in college now, it’s all about me, Lenora the woman. I’m loving life to the fullest. Continue being the wonderful woman you are, Mrs. Newhouse.

  11. I loved your poem sis and I agree with everything you said. I love women and have the up most respect for them, particularly one as your self. No real man wants a weak woman and so as you, I encourage every woman to pursue their dreams and to never let anyone deter them from accomplishing what they set out to do. Thanks alot, your words were very inspiring… The Ghost

  12. Wonderful article, Tamika! Thank you for sharing.

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